Ask the Riot

Ryan Theriot has a special guest column in the Tribune this week.  It's pretty entertaining; as you may have guessed by now, I always love the camaraderie this team seems to have.  A few highlights include:

1.)"pocket rocket" 

2.) Q: Knowing your teammates as well as you do and considering you're filling in for beat writer Paul Sullivan, can you put on your reporter hat for us and give us the best story/angle that has gone unreported of any Cub inside the clubhouse? -- Brent, Chicago

A: DeRosa's biceps. Just look at 'em. He's built like a pro wrestler. No, he's built like a Greek god. We used to have some competition going, but not anymore. I've shrunk.

He's used the "Greek god" line before in reference to DeRosa, but it still makes me laugh.  Oh, and this:

Q: Ryan, recently when your LSU college team was playing one of the last games at Alex Box Stadium, the radio broadcasters were telling stories about memorable games there. One story mentioned a game in which the LSU bullpen had been completely used up in a blowout. LSU coach Skip Bertman asked the infielders if anyone wanted to pitch, and you offered to take the mound. Is this story true? Does Lou know about your pitching experience? Is Zambrano worried? -- LSU Baseball Fan, Chicago

A: Yes it's true. Everyone knows that I've pitched. I make sure of that. I have nine different pitches, all of which are awesome. I have a 0.00 ERA, got one out, throwing all knuckleballs. I don't remember who I faced -- some dude from Ole Miss.

Heeee.

A few things

1.) Today's win against the Cardinals satisfied me deep inside my soul.  I Tivo'd it so I could watch the team celebrating with hero-of-the-day Blanco over and over again.

2.) We watched the Olympics opening ceremonies on my aunt and uncle's enormous TV, cheering for the Polish athletes (many of my friends have described my family as the Polish version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which is quite accurate).  As the gymnast (I think) was lifted into the air to light the torch, my cousin said, "Is he going all the way around the thing?"  My aunt replied, "I think so.  It doesn't look like they do anything halfway here."

3.) This article, which really deserves its own post, but I'm trying to cut down a little on the Muppet obsession.  This article could possibly make your head blow up.  I've described Z and Fontenot's pregame piggyback ritual before, but hearing it written out in such detail is pretty astonishing.  Some highlights:

"I really can't remember where we got it from," Fontenot said.  "It's just driving a nail into the ground, and then we implemented a thing where I jump on his back and he carries me to the promised land."

WHAT.  STOP THAT.  ACTUALLY, DON'T STOP.  EVER.  

Can we talk about this for a minute?  You "jump on his back" and he "carries you to the promised land"?  Is that what Little Babe Ruth just said?  What does this MEAN?

Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. Zambrano appears to be pounding Fontenot on the head, but in reality, he never touches the second baseman's blonde hair.

"He doesn't really hit me," Fontenot said.

Does Fontenot skip the drill on days that Zambrano is pitching?

"No, we do it then," he said. "I make sure I'm out there before he goes on the mound. I don't want to get him mad."

So, keep an eye on the dugout before Zambrano goes out to warm up for Saturday's game against the St. Louis Cardinals. Whatever the right-hander is doing is working, because he's 6-0 in 12 starts at Wrigley Field. The Cubs won the series opener Friday, 3-2, on Henry Blanco's 11th-inning walk-off RBI single, dropping the Cardinals seven games back in the National League Central.

"It's good times," Fontenot said.

Yes, it is.  Good times.  It REALLY is.

Here he comes to save the day

Sometimes when I'm feeling especially angsty, I cure myself with "the Muppet picture," as I have come to think of it.  This always cheers me up beyond anything.  I was just thinking about this picture contentedly when I realized I'd never posted it here.  So, for your entertainment and delight, here is the Muppetiest picture I have ever seen of a professional athlete, or perhaps anyone:

I'm so glad he didn't get struck by lightning.  (Picture from Yahoo!Sports, I think - I saved it a relatively long time ago.)

Lightning is striking again and again and again and again...

Remember how I said wild stuff was happening at last night's game?  Um:

Photo from the Chicago Sun-Times.  I'm just glad everybody's okay.  This article has more, including a clip of players sprinting off the field seeking shelter and the answer to the question on everyone's mind: What did Mike Fontenot make of all this?

"I'm thinking I'm not the tallest guy on the field, so I probably wouldn't get struck," he said.

Well, there you have it.

ETA: My friend R. has just pointed out something I didn't notice from the article linked above: "I ran a little bit," said Cubs reliever Carlos Marmol, who was in the bullpen at the time."  Now, wait a minute.  He was already IN the bullpen?  Where was he running TO?  I suspect that may be totally nonsensical.

Post-tornado happiness

Allison Middlename Lastname, if you touch that header one more time I will feed you to the wolverines.  You have changed the picture 15 times in the past four days.  STOP IT.

My mother recently admitted that she is crushing on Aramis Ramirez because, she explained, "I like when they wear the tall socks."  Totally with you there, Mom.

What the heck was that?

First of all, I hope everybody's okay out there (we had just some crazy weather blow through the area, for non-Midwesterners).  As most of you know, I go into fits of irrational terror at even the weakest hint of a thunderstorm, so I won't even discuss the scenes that took place in my house tonight.  

I cannot believe they're actually finishing this game.  As this article explains, tornado sirens went off all over the place, including Wrigley, and the weather got pretty terrible.  The fans, of course, were concerned and...um...

A couple of fans ran on the field and started body sliding on the tarp. There were oohs and aahs from the crowd as thunder and spectacular lightning crackled in the sky.

I love this town.  Also, during my episodes of utter panic, the only thing that made me feel better (besides my parents and dog being extremely patient) was the coverage they showed from time to time of 1.) fans doing absurd things as mentioned above and 2.) Ryan Theriot, Mike Fontenot, and Reed Johnson waiting out the delay in the dugout and acting silly over something.  I think they actually started punching each other in the arm at one point, clearly unconcerned about the actual tornado that was actually barreling down on them.  I suppose they probably had the right idea.

Last-minute panic

I just paid the bill for my fall term at Jesus School. I was starting to think they'd have to pry the check out of my twitching hands while I wept inconsolably.  I hate acting like this because that money has always been intended for div school, or at least some form of grad school, but it was really hard to part with.  

God?  I'm spending a lot of money to hang out with you for the next couple of years, so could I get some more confirmation that this is a good idea?  Maybe a baseball-related sign?  Thanks much.

Also: I think I just published a weird, unfinished version of the previous post.  It is now fixed - sorry about that.

Some love for Teddy and Geo

I'm surprised to see I haven't said much about Ted Lilly here.  As I've mentioned to several of you, I believe Ted is basically the visible embodiment of my soul.  He always looks so anxious and distressed, no matter how he's pitching, and he says things in his postgame press conferences that make you want to cry and then hug him.  Here are some words from Ted on today's game against the Pirates, which we won 5-1:

"I still feel like I put myself in a lot of bad situations," Lilly said. "Fortunately, I was able to get out of it. I think you can only get away with that so many times. I've done that quite a bit throughout the course of the year and found a way out of it, and there have been some times I've had some big innings and put us behind."

Fortunately, Geovany Soto, awesome on every level, knows how to handle Ted.  Observe:

After that, Lilly faced no more than four batters in any one inning. Credit catcher Geovany Soto for helping to settle his starter down.

"He knew that I was scuffling with my curveball," Lilly said. "He helped me have a little more confidence and made me throw my changeup a little bit more and made me use my slider. Sometimes I get stubborn out there, and there will be times when something's not working and I want to force it to work. He was good with me today in that regard."

"Early in the game, we [weren't] really [on] the same page," Soto said. "After the fourth [and] fifth inning rolled around, I think we stepped it up a little bit. We were doing a better job being on the same page, getting ground balls and getting first-pitch outs. He got rolling after that."

Have I mentioned that I love them both?  Very, very much?  Well, now I have.

Oh, and

Today I was on the phone with my friend R., the Red Sox fan.  She said in this really thoughtful way, "If baseball players were dinosaurs, Big Papi would be a brontosaurus.  But Zambrano would be that thing they discovered - you know, the craziest dinosaur of all.  What is it called?  The Megasaurus?  I think they named it something stupid like that."

I'm not sure what she was thinking of (googling "Megasaurus" will get you hilarious but not-very-useful results), but she is correct: if there is a dinosaur that fits that description, that is what Z would be.  If baseball players were dinosaurs, of course.