Ask the Riot

Ryan Theriot has a special guest column in the Tribune this week.  It's pretty entertaining; as you may have guessed by now, I always love the camaraderie this team seems to have.  A few highlights include:

1.)"pocket rocket" 

2.) Q: Knowing your teammates as well as you do and considering you're filling in for beat writer Paul Sullivan, can you put on your reporter hat for us and give us the best story/angle that has gone unreported of any Cub inside the clubhouse? -- Brent, Chicago

A: DeRosa's biceps. Just look at 'em. He's built like a pro wrestler. No, he's built like a Greek god. We used to have some competition going, but not anymore. I've shrunk.

He's used the "Greek god" line before in reference to DeRosa, but it still makes me laugh.  Oh, and this:

Q: Ryan, recently when your LSU college team was playing one of the last games at Alex Box Stadium, the radio broadcasters were telling stories about memorable games there. One story mentioned a game in which the LSU bullpen had been completely used up in a blowout. LSU coach Skip Bertman asked the infielders if anyone wanted to pitch, and you offered to take the mound. Is this story true? Does Lou know about your pitching experience? Is Zambrano worried? -- LSU Baseball Fan, Chicago

A: Yes it's true. Everyone knows that I've pitched. I make sure of that. I have nine different pitches, all of which are awesome. I have a 0.00 ERA, got one out, throwing all knuckleballs. I don't remember who I faced -- some dude from Ole Miss.

Heeee.